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Rotherham county council sent four of it’s councillors on an all expenses paid fact-finding mission to Disneyland last month. The trip, which cost a mere £72,000 will bring huge benefits to local people as the councillors learnt all about giant fluffy animals and having fun on roller coasters.

During the trip, councillors were able to forge ties with local business leaders, as well as have their picture taken with Mickey Mouse, and other much-loved Disney favourites.

Labour leader Dirk Pimtoon explained the benefits of the mission:

“In these days of credit crunch belt tightening it’s more important than ever that our local community builds ties with our friends around the world. Thanks to our ceaseless efforts we can now add the inhabitants of the magic kingdom to a long list of friends which includes people in Australia, Hong Kong, Barbados and Wiltshire Center Parcs.”

The trip comes just three weeks before the regional elections, which an important analyst said was likely to result in the ruling Labour party losing it’s majority to the opposition by a landslide. However labour councillors are keen to ensure the regional economy is left in good shape for their successors, and are doing all they can to ensure things are ship-shape over the remaining weeks.

One of the most important goals of the trip was to find a colour blind table tennis partner for local boy Eversham Stroud, 31, who has yet to find a partner to join him at the council’s £12 million table tennis center for the colour blind. Mr Stroud has been forced to play table tennis at Rotherham leisure center instead. Though he enjoys playing there he has some difficulty telling the red and green sides of the bat apart. All bats at the specialist center have black and red sides to ensure clarity.

Unfortunately the search proved fruitless on this occasion, however the council is not beaten yet. Further  trips are planned to Switzerland and the South of France over the next few weeks. Let’s hope they get lucky - for all our sakes!

Newspaper makers have long been the victims of casual piracy. Word pirates will purchase a single copy of a newspaper and then allow several other people to read it without paying. It’s estimated that for each paper sold, another five people read it illegally, costing the newspaper industry an annual $200 billion in the US alone.

All that could soon change, however, thanks to a new printed rights management system being trialled by newspaper companies. Originally developed by the Lithuanian military police as a means of stopping rogue scientists leaking Soviet nuclear secrets, the read-me-not system offers a sure fire way to stop illicit readership dead in its grubby little tracks.

Read-me-not uses a special chip embedded in the buyer’s skull to monitor their proximity to the newspaper. If the buyer moves further than six metres from the paper then electrical signals from the read-me-not chip cause the ink to disappear. This prevents copyright abuse by others and encourages legitimate newspaper purchase.

Should buyers have a genuine need to move away from their papers, they can re-activate the ink by calling a special helpline, answering a short questionnaire, and pleading with the highly trained customer support agents at read-me-not headquarters. Legitimate excuses for abandoning the paper include fire, childbirth and non-seated bathroom use.

The embedded chip implantation is completely voluntary, although after 2011 nobody will be able to legally purchase any form of printed material without it. The implantation process is largely painless and quite safe, having been extensively tested on homeless people and students. Implant kits are being distributed to news vendors now, and include a free mop to clean up blood spills.

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