All Posts from April, 2009

South Korean Blogger Arrested

April 14th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Another blogger has been arrested, this time in South Korea. Prosecuters for the supposedly democratic government claimed his posts undermined the country’s credibility. He is accused of claiming that South Korean banks were barred from purchasing US currency. Since the story has now been picked up by Slashdot and Wired, it looks like a molehill has been turned into a mountain.

[Read, via Slashdot]

How the Government Wastes Your Money

April 12th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Politics | No Comments »

In the midst of the economic crisis, what is the government spending your money on:

£30,000 on a cloud viewing project.

£400,000 advertising on Pakistani TV that Britain is Muslim friendly.

More than £100,000 salary for Daniel McBride to invent scandals.

American Army Blows Up Pigs

April 9th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in War | No Comments »

The US army has been using pigs to test the effectiveness of it’s body armour against roadside bombs. A pentagon spokesman claimed the pigs were ‘treated humanely at all times’. Right up until the moment they were blown up we suppose? If any soldiers out in the field have noticed hard metal lumps in their army-issue bacon rations, the mystery is now solved.

[read]

Hooray for Radiohead

April 7th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Freedom of Speech | No Comments »

Radiohead are standing up to the corporate bullying of the RIAA:

[Read]

$1 trillion is actually only $1 billion

April 6th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Truth | No Comments »

Don’t you just love spin doctors? Apparently most of the fiscal stimulus we’ve been promised is nothing but smoke and mirrors. Read Dominic Lawson’s analysis here.

Catch a Fish and go to Prison

April 5th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Crime | No Comments »

Ever keen to stimulate the world economy, the UK is now jailing fisherman who catch the wrong kind of fish. Two British fisherman, a father and son team, were handed a £385,000 fine by Judge Nigel Gilmour for breaking a quota regulation. Having been forced to remortgage their house to pay off the fine they were then sentenced to jail for contempt of court since the house was ruled a ‘proceed of crime’.

Perhaps if they’d stabbed someone or punched someone in the face they would have been treated more leniently. Teen murderer Jake Fahri was able to commit the following crimes before being jailed for the murder of schoolboy Jimmy Mizen:

Punching and robbing a boy - no action taken
Assaulting the same boy - a warning from the police
Selling drugs on the street - no action taken
Punching and kicking a girl and spitting in her face - the police got tough with a £50 fine
Street robbery - supervision orders/referrals (stern tellings off)
Street robbery with a knife while on bail - supervision orders/referrals
Burglary - supervision orders/referrals
“Happy Slapping” attacks - nothing

Remember, that’s just what the police actually know about. Fahri was jailed for ‘life’ which the judge stated would mean serving at least 14 years. Under the British system offenders are usually released on parole after half the official sentence is served, meaning Fahri could be out of jail at 26, no doubt ready to kill again.

Phoenix Police Arrest Critic

April 5th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Freedom of Speech | No Comments »

Real criminals are just so hard to catch. Bloggers, on the other hand, are slow, pasty creatures who sit in front of their computers all day. That’s why bumbling Phoenix police officers arrested the guy who writes this. An easy arrest, a silent critic, and that funny looking computer equipment is great for warming doughnuts.

[Read, via Slashdot]

Is the UK entering a new dark age?

April 5th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Truth | No Comments »

Interesting article here:

link

G20 Produces record amount of hot air

April 4th, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Politics | No Comments »

With the global crisis pulling our purse strings tighter every day, the last thing the world can afford is to waste money. That’s why the richest world leaders jetted themselves and their entourages to London for a series of photo opportunities, banquets and celebrity get-togethers. The leaders got to meet Jamie Oliver, JK Rowling and the Queen while discussing serious global issues. Protected by an $8 million security operation, the leaders weren’t troubled by the tens of thousands of ordinary people who made the journey to London to protest the incompetence of their governments.

After hours of heated debate the leaders agreed the global crisis was entirely the fault of wicked bankers and nothing whatsoever to do with them. They added that they were all pretty great and doing wonderful jobs.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown gushed “We’ve achieved so much at this meeting. Look at all those great pictures of me. See how much taller I am than Berlusconi? Look how much Obama likes me.”

US shares rose after the conference with stockbrokers expressing relief that they “didn’t actually do anything”. Let’s hope the next meeting is just as successful.

Brown Calls Election

April 1st, 2009 | By Simian Antics in Politics | No Comments »

At long last Gordon Brown has grown the beginnings of a spine and called a snap general election. The Prime Minister stated that given the economic crisis it is vital that the British people have a leader they have chosen, and who can honestly claim to represent them. No matter who wins it I hope it can give the country the boost it sorely needs.  We here at Chimptron applaud this rare outburst of common sense from the PM.

The Prime Minister also apologised for his role in precipitating the economic crisis saying with hindsight he should have done things differently, and promising to make the difficult cuts in public spending that the economy desperately needs.

Jacqui Smith also announced her resignation, claiming it was the only honourable thing to do given the circumstances (her stealing a ton of money from the taxpayer to pay for, amongst other things, her husband shivering the instrument).